Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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