UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
