i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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