I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
