I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
