I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
