I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
