Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
