There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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