How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
