AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
