Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
