how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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