I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
