My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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