so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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