Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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