why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
