Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
