There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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