Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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