she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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