So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
