"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
