Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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