belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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