Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
