i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
