I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
