xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
