if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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