grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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