alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
