yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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