Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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