Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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