spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
