I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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