party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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