i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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