Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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