i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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