Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
