i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
