Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
porn star boner night. come get it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
