I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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