If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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