omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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