Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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