All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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